That thing called dating.

So I have been active in the dating world for a while now and it has made me realize something.

I have no friends now.

Is it necessarily bad? No. I would never give up the time with boyf, but I do feel bad sometimes. Like when talking with old survivor buddies. Who I don't see anymore because they don't think LCM is cool anymore.

It's only going to get worse. I am graduating college, and everyone will be traveling around. It's kinda sad. It's so hard to keep up with everyone's lives when you don't see each other regularly.

Does anybody else feel like when we all graduate and leave we won't make time to keep in touch?

Something I don't understand

Why is it that negativity spreads like a wildfire?    It's like once you are lost in it for so long...you don't realize how much better your life would be if you just thought it was better.

Everyone always has those sayings like "if you wanna be happy. Be."  Apparently it's a lot harder than that.

I've just been noticing a lot of that negative-ness around me lately...myself included in that. I try to be the positive light, but it's hard. 

I don't know if it's a culture thing, or a brain thing...but it's like once someone brings up something sad.... we are all trying to "out sad" or "my life is more terrible because of this"  

What would it take... to change that.... I don't know.

----------------------------

I think I have also discovered the reason why I want school to be done now. 

Religion.

I know I know, Jana you crazy... but just stick with me on this.

I am just really tired of it being such a barrier. I hate that people look down on you if you say you believe in God. I hate that people are always judging others. I hate that people feel like they need to live up to something.

I hate that there are people that say I'm not "into" worship anymore. That really made me upset.  I just wish we could go back to how it used to be. We were there because we loved God...and people recognized that.  

-Jana

Don't you forget what he said.

I realized today how powerless I really am.

I have no idea how to help or comfort people that have had serious experiences in life.

How do you help someone that has been traumatized?

What can you say that isn't just words to them?

I haven't a clue.

Me time.

I love when people pay attention to personality types.

I mean like introverted or extroverted.

Personality types play a bigger role in daily lives than people think. I'm just reminiscing on the whole SOC experience. I would say that about 90% of the people they hired to do that job were extroverted, so they loved hanging out and being loud and a bunch of great things. The sucky part about that was all of the training programming was geared toward them.

I just remember wishing I had some time to be alone.

The same thing is happening to me now. We are at the end of the semester, everyone is running around bitching about their finals...and I just wish I had some time to be by myself.  It's hard when you have roommates. It's hard when you have a job.

It's just hard to find time to be alone. Where do you like to go to be alone?

-Jana

college

I've been realizing lately that when you go to college and hear about other people's stories... it really puts your life in perspective. Like "oh wow, my life didn't actually suck in high school, it could have been way worse."

Just meeting people who have struggles, and there is nothing you can do about it... it is kinda heartbreaking.  

I just wish that sometimes I knew what to say....

-J

I think that internships are just stressful... they get your hopes up when they interview you...

And then they crush you.

It is the age-old question. How can you get the more experience you need if you can't get the job to give you experience?

Plus everyone on earth is competing for the jobs that I want...

I may just stay at Justice for the rest of my life.d

How much I need the internet.

So this morning the internet in my apartment went out. I called the people to fix it and they needed to send someone over to come and fix it here... pretty basic stuff I guess.

but when I was preparing to wait for them... I was thinking silly things like "oh i can go on the internet while I wait for them to fix the internet".... Wrong.

Or I was thinking "Oh i could just check my bank account" ... Nope.

I can finish that Study Guide... Oh that's online too..

I then realized how much of our world is online. Not just surfing the web stuff.  It would be very hard to go to college without a computer. Everyone has their homework online. Plus nobody wants to sit on campus all day to get your work done. 

Something to think about

-Hot Donna

I will post one of my messed up dreams on here

SO of course I had an awesome dream last night.

It started out and I was part of an MSUM theatre production...I was a little slave girl role, and the lines that I said didn't even make sense with what was going on in the play. Put the stage design is horrible and we are all inside a building and the only way the audience can see us is if you are in front of the little door. So I get up to say my

line, but the audience thinks that the show is over so they start clapping... So i just pretend to say my line and then go back to my place... Oh yea and guess who is the lead?? Roy Mustang... Then we get to this final number and everyone is flying around on broomsticks and I'm sad because Nobody heard my line AND I don't have a broomstick... Then I find one and am flying around and the show is done. So we go to greet people.... and This little girl is like following me around because I was her fav character. And I was going to go to the bathroom. and she wanted to follow me there too... All of the sudden I'm back in my elementary school boys locker room... but it's super updated. Now there is an underground path to the girls locker room... So i check that out.. and they have this person guarding the path, and to move on you have to make a basket in the hoop. Now this area is like a frozen path. SO i try to make a few baskets and miss because I'm wearing this cowboy hat. I take off the hat and am about to make the basket when it turns into this flying thing and i try to chase it... Now all of the sudden my teacher from my sports and media class is telling me that to advance to the next level I have to catch the flying machine thing using a piece of paper to fly... So I'm using it kinda like a kite to fly my body around ( I don't know where the lil girl is at this point.) so I'm flying all around to get on this flying craft... and then I'm about to get on the flying machine...

and my alarm goes off.

Well, I survived Black Friday working in retail.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. For how busy it was it was a really slow moving day. 

I don't have any deep thing to talk about today haha. So I guess I will shamelessly advertise my FMfood blog. 

www.fmfoodblog.wordpress.com

Thanksgiving

Well it seems fitting that I would talk about all the things I'm thankful for in life... or a least a few of the many things that I'm thankful for..

So here is a little list:

Family: OK so this one might be a little obvious, but oh well. I feel really lucky because I'm always able to count on my parents, they will be there to help me out of any jam. I also really appreciate the fact that my mom can talk to me on the phone basically whenever I call her. 

Justice: This might be kinda lame but I'm thankful for that place. I have a job that is enjoyable. A job that helps me buy food and stuff it's pretty great. I'm also grateful for the girls that work there, they are a hoot :P

School: I'm blessed because I was given a chance to go to college and I'm also thankful that I'm almost done :D

I'm also thankful for people that actually read my blog. Thank you.

-Hot Donna

Running

So I was chatting with a friend about this book study I have been going too.

Man, he just knows what he believes, it's really something to admire. Don't get me wrong, I think it's totally great...but it really made me want to run away. I just want to escape all of it. People with their strong opinions make me feel like I don't know what I think...not that they try too. It definitely happens tho.

What would it be like to run away and no longer have any worries or cares?

Is that what it's like to be married....you just run away from the world.... and then deal with life as it comes?

Anyway my friend said some pretty beautiful stuff... like when I asked him if he was scared of dying he just shrugged it off... I couldn't believe it... I am totally scared of death. And then he said this  "It's just like going home"  --- I thought it was beautiful.

We also talked about how much has changed in the last four years and it's really true. We have all grown into very different people. Some of us will run off to do missionary work. Others are going to more school, or even getting married...

It's just really odd to think about how this time in our lives is almost over...

Long saturdays

I really am ready for school to be over.

Today. I sat on the computer all day... writing a paper. of course that comes with being on facebook and pintrest and tumblr and whatever else I did.. But i will tell you that I'm really excited for the days when I don't need to do that because I can knit something or watch tv.

Yeah I could do that now... but there is always that looming ghost of your homework that needs to be done.

Basically, I would like winter break to be here.

Friends are getting married!?

I really hope that I can get back into blogging. 

Anyway, I've recently been asked to be a Maid of Honor in a wedding... WOAH crazy?! One of my closest friends is getting married?  Five years ago I never thought that would be happening, but I think it will be a pretty cool experience. I have been looking at somethings that MOHs are actually responsible for and it seems to be this.

1. Help the bride..... all the time.

2. Communicate with bridesmaids

3. Plan a rocking bachelorette party.

4. Help the bride some more.

I'm wondering how crazy this is going to be. haha Well we are in for an interesting ride.

CLASS

So I have to start another blog for class.... I know I know... I haven't posted on this in a while and i'm really sorry about that...

I love you all if you actually still read this...

http://fmfoodblog.wordpress.com/

:)

-Hot Donna

I need a reality check.

...Well, tonight I have made a fool of myself.

I have completely expressed my emotionalness...and i can't take it back...

I don't know if it's worse being ignored..or waiting for them to wake up.

I feel bad. I hate that I need to have constant words of hope. Affermation.

What a silly girl I have become.

Hardest week of my life.

This sucks. Why do I need to go through this?

Yes it could be a lot worse.  I know that. But this sucks too.  I'm trying to see the positive...but it's really hard at two in the morning.

chicken or the egg

Man have things turned around. I originally started a tumblr so that nobody would read my private thoughts, then friends got tumblr and I just posted less and less of my original thoughts....how wack is that? Now It's gotten to the point where nobody reads my blogger anymore haha. Actually I think that is for the best.

Summer is rough. We are like three weeks in and i'm struggling. I just feel like i'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I don't really know what's wrong, and I don't really know how to fix it....or know if I want too..

It's really interesting. I miss James. Tons. I also realized that he was kinda my only friend lol. My mom says that that is what happens. And I know that she is telling the truth, but then when they are gone...you are left with the internet.

I mean he is still there, like he still talks to me. but i mean he is busy with work and stuff....like i wish I was. Man. I need more things to do. Or something to keep me distracted. I just need to start playing guitar more. yes. I think that's true.  So I can practice my song I want to play for boyf in june.

a 17

well I officially failed at the blogging everyday in April challenge. Lame. I think it's because I started a different blog. I got involved with tumblr. *gasp* I know it's terrible. But I have put some cool stuff on there.

Warning: lovey-dovy, and probably dirty too.

I think I'm putting thing on here mostly for Abby. I think she's my biggest fan that doesn't already know about it. (Kaity is still my biggest fan :P) So ya Abby, if you wanna read my tumblr let me know and i'll hook you up with the link :P

a9

Hey so it's 12 am and I missed the window of the day...so I hope that because I haven't gone to bed yet it still counts as the 9th.

Today I ran around for an hour and one half to hang up posters for my event.

YUCK

It's not so difficult, it's just lonely doing it by yourself. You'd be surprised how many people don't let you hang up fundraiser posters. A lot of chain franchises. 

Guess what I did. I hung up the one I designed... hehehe. All colored and beautiful. I was proud to see them actually getting displayed somewhere other than my computer.

Boo I just realized that I missed one yesterday... Crap.. Can I get it off because it was Easter? haha Maybe. Oh well. I'll just make this one really worth it.

Boyf came home with me over break. It was so much fun. I got to show him all the sites of cton. haha we watched a lot of baseball, and watched a lot of tv but it was really cool to be hanging out all the time. 

When we went to church on sunday, My mom told him he was a good singer haha. I was like SEE I"M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THAT :P   I was glad mom said that, because he really is a good singer.

Tomorrow is my interview with the Y. Hope that works out. haha we shall see I guess.

I don't want summer to come

-HD

a7

So here is my "I'm pissed" moment of the day.

I have been working on this poster for my event planning class.  I showed all my group members, they said it was good. Nope guess not... just got an email from my group mates. and it was a different poster.

I have never felt so slapped in the face.

Why did I waste all that time doing that if you weren't going to use it anyway. The worst part of it all is, the new one does look nice. the text is better organized. It's like he took all my ideas and then screwed me over. Everyone is stupid.

Maybe I am in the wrong major.  huh. well I guess I'll just have to work my way up at justice. Life of a "I'm not good at anything" student.  It sucks.

Must look at more ads i guess.

SCREW ALL IN MY GROUP
-HD

a6

So boyf and I made it home today, which is exciting. My sister got back from her big trip and she got me a gift! yay. BUT what is really cool is she made a scavenger hunt for me to find it. It was all over the town. We went to the park, the golf course, the elem school, the drive inn, and then out back shed lol. It was so cool.

She got me a declaration of independence that she drew the whole map on the back of. (thank you national treasure) It was really fun. Plus I got a sweet tshirt out of it :D She's a sweety

Yay national treasure
-Hot Donna

a5

I'm a little stressed.. Jobs are stressing me out. Lack on communication is stressing me out.

Possibility of another job makes me hopeful....blah... I'm just stressed.

One place has not really communicated anything to me...and i'm just not digging it... :( maybe I should just call and say thanks but no thanks....... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

april4

SOOO  I'm frustrated.  My event planning group project will be an interesting one... as far as I know we don't have anything done.   I am trying to talk to this woman about it, but she's not really responding to her texts.... LAME. Who knows.... I just WISH i knew what i was suppose to be doing.... WAHH

So today was my first day of working in retail..   OVERWHELMING. I know there is still a lot to learn, and i'm scared because i have like no idea what i'm doing haha. Seriously, I did a lot of listening, and I hope that i remember it all.

Yea, I hope it will be ok.

Also, in my english class we talked about my short story... They ripped it to shreds. I was like.. WTF? My story rocks, i felt like they were way over analyzing.   Kinda how i feel about ad crequites too. Like, why are you an expert? we are all on the same level...plus you're not even an english major... LAME

-HD

April 2

Well, blogger has a new layout now...so I have to get used to that. I don't mind it too much, but it's really great.

Anyway I have a job now! WOO HOO exciting :D :D Now I will have money!  Yay dressing little girls haha hopefully it's a good time :D

I also have another soc meeting tonight! We are taking our pictures for the website. Should be a good time (hopefully)  Hope I'm not intimidated.

April 1

Alright Here goes blogging every day in April YEAR 2.

That's pretty exciting! I have had this blog for a long time haha. Thanks to those of you who still read it. :)

So I went to church today, which is someplace I haven't gone in a long time. There was this little girl sitting in front of me, and she was just dancing around in the aisle. It was so cute, it was like the spirit was moving her. I really enjoyed it. It reminded me of being little and not caring about what people thought, or worrying about your beliefs because you just believed. As simple as that, not needed things proved to you. Just being there dancing in the spirit of the lord.  It was really cute.

That's my spiritual post for the month :P

-Hot Donna

Circus

So I totally scored yesterday. I was with my mom at the mall and this guy who was running the pillow pet cart had tickets to the circus that he wasn't going to use.

So he gave them to my mom and me.

SCORE!

I was so excited, my mom was leaving to go home, so I took boyfriend.  It was really exciting because I really wanted to go, but the whole money thing you know?

So we are there and we are sitting waiting for the show to start. They are selling those light up toys everywhere. I remember my grandpa buying those for us when we went to the circus when we were little. James kept talking about how people where throwing their money away. But I was anxious for the moment to come.

The moment when they turn out all the lights, and all of the kids little glowing toys are the only light you can see. There is something really magical about that. Looking around and seeing the glowing swords and hats. It's beautiful :D

-Hot Donna

Today.

So today won of my friends passed away from cancer... It's really a sad thing...


I look at this Facebook page and see how everyone writes a little note to him...  I have missed feelings about writing on his wall.  Maybe it's something we do to comfort ourselves in the grieving process, maybe he can actually see what people are writing.


Nobody really knows, and that's the scary thing about dying. We all have different things that we think are going to happened.  


I guess it's just another adventure.
-Hot Donna

no day but today

Man o man. My posting on this blog has sky rocketed lol.

Anyway, one of my friends from high school has cancer.... and was told that he has three weeks to live.

SCARY!

How terrifying is that? I mean we never really think about that kind of thing because we are so young. But to have someone tell you how much time you have left....heart breaking.

It's just not right, we are young....we shouldn't have to deal with this....there is so much life to live you know?

It really reminds me of this line from the movie "courageous"  It was something along this line: are you going to bitter about the time you don't have, or thankful for the time you had to spend together.

I just really feel helpless.
-Hot Donna

What to do in a small town

Currently I'm back in my home town for spring break.  OF COURSE it's a super small town and there are limited things to do...   I just wanted to make a lil list so ya'll understand what I'm doing with my break.

• Watch TV.  For real, like every night I'm watching the "popular" TV shows. Tonight for example my mom told me we will be watching the voice haha. I watch a lot of  TV
• Listen to my sister practice her Beauty and the Beast part.  It's bringing back good memories.
• Sit on the computer.  Whenever I am at home, i spend basically all time I'm not eating on my computer.
• Applying for internships.  Must. Focus. On. Future
• Eat.  I eat so much at home.
• Go out with my mom and her hens to eat.   More eating.
• Talk on the phone.  James is kind enough to talk to me on the phone once and a while :P
• Around the House projects. For example yesterday we worked on the bathroom.

• Hang out with pals. (that happened once) 

This is what I'm doing over break.  Living the high life.
-Hot Donna

KONY?

So this Kony 2012 business...   at first I was all like OMGOSH EVERYONE WATCH THIS VIDEO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

Then I see this post my friend posted about how they are all frauds and yadda yadda
http://visiblechildren.tumblr.com/

At this point. I have absolutely no idea who's correct. It shouldn't shock me. Someone is getting serious viral attention and other people are criticizing it. It's our world. It's about politics.

I just don't know who to believe.

 And that's what scary, someone is trolling and I wanna know who.

Am I really so weak minded that I can't see what's really going on here?

-Hot Donna

I think we are all too wrapped up in our own shit....... that we don't see the pain that's right in front of us.

Like me for example....I wonder how many people's pain has gone unnoticed because I was so worried about my roommates feelings toward me? There are bigger problems in the world.

Throwing a pity party
-Hot Donna

JW-thanks for asking me about me.

Dude. I hate when there is a group of people talking....and like everyone is struggling to be the person talking....

It's yucky

I just stop talking in those situations because it's frustrating.

I am just tired of competing with people to talk....If you wanna hear what I'm saying than you'll listen you know?

Maybe it's something we all should think about when we are talking with a group; make sure we are listening to all and not cutting each other off.....

Honestly, it gets tiresome.
-Hot Donna

Here comes the fire.

You know what makes me upset. Laziness.

If  you are given a job to do, and are getting paid to do it. DO IT! It's completely stupid for you do to no work and get the same recognition as everyone else in the group.

Step down if you aren't wanting to do anything anymore.Or have other things you would rather do. Make room for people who still have passion for what we do.

Sort our your priorities
-Hot Donna

yo

I want to do

irrational      things and never have to worry about being responsible.

For once, I want people to pick up my mess.

 

Bravery

Isn't telling someone to "say it to my face" on facebook....hypocritical?

food for thought
-Hot Donna

English class inspiration

Do you ever think that people complicate love?    I mean like the movies and TV tell us about all the drama that has to come with being in love. And we fall right into that, Oh no! Now because I have said that I feel this way we are forced to do grand gestures of love.

hmmmm I was thinking about this in the middle of my English class today. Prof was talking about how you can't see the word "love" like you can see a "desk"....but if you see two people holding hands, that's love. Like people know they care for one another. (I hope this makes sense)

This blew my mind.

Could it really be so simple? Why does it become so complicated?

It reminds me of when they ask little kids what they thing love is and they say cute things. What a different world it would be if we all thought like kids.

-Hot Donna

Why Girls WHY!??

Why do girls love mushy stuff so much?

...ICK

Being real.

I hate talking about the end of the world. The thought of this happening terrifies me. Even when all my wonderful friends who love the lord talk about it. It just freaks me out, and I always start crying.

Truly, I am terrified.

-Hot Donna.